A Rising of Arising Greyness

Well, I have jumped into semester two full force and have not had much time to post here, but will do so now.

This semester has started off directly dealing with cause and effect, causational relationships, karma and the twelve states of arising. We are also starting to dive into the Madhyama Pratipad (middle path). Now, all of this breaking out of each stage of arising, each level of karmic intention and worlds of extremes and not extremes really boils down to: there is no black and white ultimately, there are greys upon greys upon greys.

Now, those art majors out there will understand that layering greys will look black in time, and the same is true with layering non greys. So to is the idea of causational relationships, karmic intention and the influence of a third vehicle on development of all these things (conditions).

I have always been a pretty black and white guy. This is right, that's wrong, this is correct, that is not correct, this is good, this is bad. But I have becoming aware that my life is very grey (albiet layered in many areas to appear black). Also, none of these things that arise and fall in life are permanent, so like black stirred into white paint, there are ever changing layers and tones. So black could be white by tomorrow (like Michael Jackson).



So when we move in a direction, our actions can cause great reactions on the other side, not always how you would expect. Sometimes we do things, even inadvertently and the effect can cause great harm or bad feelings in someone or somethings life. That can cause additional reactions, anger, fear, hurt, etc. This causes that same echo to continue into other aspects and so on. We are all connected completely yet never see the effect until it becomes evident, sometimes at a much later time and way, so its hard to connect the dots back. At the same time, our intentions can cause the opposite response, but that may not always be a positive conclusion either down the line either. All we can go on is the intention at the start. That is actually what the term Karma means (everyone always thinks its the result - something happens to someone and they say "well there is karma for ya", but ultimately Karma was what we put forth, the reaction is something totally different).

Also, I believe there is a misconception that a Buddhist (monk or not) is somehow always happy and sunny and friendly. There are many examples of these flakey, new agey, smiling people in the Buddhist sub-word. Usually they are selling something. But the reality is sometimes you can't be that way, or stay that way, or be effective that way. Sometimes you have to be an asshole to get a point across. Sometimes anger is just a response to something that causes anger. To look at it otherwise is not the Madhyama Pratipad. To say its bad to kill animals for food, yet its ok to kill a million bugs to eat vegetables is a very Black and White viewpoint. The Buddha was not always a shiny happy person as the world at large probably thinks. He adjusted his view to the situation and the person he was encountering. And he too was changing at every point in his life. He was 80 when he died, he was not the same Bhagavat at 80 that he was at 34. Seeing the truth does not make you immortal, a superhero, non-aging being, a god among men. He was a man among men (and women), and animals (and bugs) and everything else. What he put forth into the world, directed at each person and time made sense at that time, with that person. Anyone who thinks they can be the same happy shiny person to everyone about everything will miss most of the time.

I have been floating around the idea of being a monk for years (even back in the 90's with the other group I was involved with). I hesitated all this time because I thought I could never be that guy - that happy person that was always perfect and wise in all things. It didn't seem achievable. Now I know that the point of being a good monk comes from being what and who you are. What I put out is all that I can do, right or wrong, black, white or grey. I can adjust to fit the situation, need to actually most of the time.

EDIT: I was just listening to Cat Stevens / Yusuf Islam while working and heard his remake of this song. Seems very in line with some of what I mean to say here. Should have known, it always pays off listening to the Cat...


Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
People, do you understand me now,
If sometimes I feel a little mad
Don't you know no one alive can
always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem a little sad
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

You know sometimes, I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
Sometimes seems that all I have is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems and I get more
than my share
But that's one thing I never mean to do
I don't mean it

People, don't you know I'm only human
Don't you know I have faults like any one
But sometimes I find myself alone regretting
Some little thing; some foolish thing
that I have done,
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Don't let me be misunderstood
I'm just someone whose intentions are good
Don't let me be misunderstood,
Don't let me be misunderstood

The Birth of King Boogie

The Resting Place of the Ashes, formerly know as Boogie
(hint - they are under the Buddha)

So this past Sunday was the 49 day memorial of Casey passing. I held a little ceremony here for him on his last day (chanting various things), and then later we put the can into the ground and lit some incense around the statue.

Its actually a pretty interesting way to look at death, and this may be the first time I got it. Buddhists believe that after a living thing's body dies, the consciousness (not soul - there is no soul) starts to move into an inbetween phase. This is more like the ghost image on your tv after you shut it off - the lingering consciousness of that sattva. It starts to go through stages of moving back into the source of all things, and at the same time is traveling towards a new destination. Buddhists believe these stages last 49 days. After that time is past, the consciousness that we would say was the "lingering essence" of that sattva takes a new form and starts the cycle again. So, as of Monday - Boogie is back. Maybe he is a puppy again, or a little boy or girl, maybe he is a lion or a woodchuck. Buddhists also believe that the cycle of becoming a higher form of life has a lot to do with your previous existence - we call this Karma - what you put in motion. Once the passing occurs - the direction can take you to a better situation. One way we try to help a "Bardo" or one who is in the state of passing is to help direct them. This is one role of a monk for those who have passed - to act as a spiritual guide through that period. Through ceremony, chanting, and other ways, we help to guide the "Bardo" to a better existence, where they can be a help to themselves and others.

Its also a common belief that only a human thing can reach past the cycle of birth and death, by knowing what to do, leading the right path breaks that cycle. I am not sure if I believe that to be true, so maybe Casey was already calling this existence in, knowing he was going to pass out of the cycle. That would be nice, but I hope in someway he had a nice birthday Monday. The world could use sattvas like Boog.

It does say a lot about the people around us, the cycle of life and death and life. Now that I know he is somewhere, I feel less sad about his not being here. I can laugh when I think of him as a little boy right now. Actually my friend had a little boy a day or so ago - maybe that is Boog's consciousness starting over.

Classes start again tomorrow - here comes semester 2...

Update

So, I have not updated in a while, after the post about Casey, I haven't been ready to jump back into the blog much. However, I feel I need to get the information out from the retreat the previous week, so I will start the 37 part series on how my head nearly exploded.

First off, I had a great conversation with my teacher on the ride out. Three and half hours is a good amount of time to kill in a small car. We talked about all types of stuff, and I think got to know each other much better, more like two guys chatting for the most part. I think the most relevant part to bring up is that on the way we discussed my direction in all this and I had a chance to ask a number of questions. The outcome is that I decided to go for full ordination as a Bikkhu, instead of a Dharma Teacher. Its the difference of becoming an actual monk, instead of a teacher of the Dharma (only). This is really just on paper, Dharma teachers and Monks both try and do the same thing, but being a Bikkhu, you are able to lead a sangha, have students, etc...

So, that was a big step. Also, when asked that very night by our head teacher what my direction was, and when I answered such, I had a good support of the people there. There seemed to be a positive reaction to that decision. My teacher said "see, I'm not the only one who thinks you were born to this". That was actually an interesting moment for me, since all along I have been silently questioning this direction for me. I have always been drawn here, but not sure why. So, I intend to explore that a bit. Also, our head teacher took a little pressure off and said he would like me to hold off ordination for two years (2011) and wait until my teacher takes his next step (in 2010). He would like me to be his first disciple and be the first American ordained monk (meaning ordained in America instead of Korea, which I believe is his idea of the future). So that was a lot to take in. That was that first night.

The next day we got up at 5:30 and started the retreat, which I will not go into great detail on, only to say it was a ton of info. There is not that much info passed on in most groups, you may get ordained and then you are on your own, with maybe a book to follow. Our teacher is much more old school, and is teaching us these things like we were back 40 years ago in the monastery. We were taugh how to use a bell (Yoyong), a mottok, a hammered bowl, numerous chants, and the Korea Monk version of the Tea Ceremony (which I am excited to jump into a bit). There is a lot of etiquette to running an ceremony, which was laid out. We also will next time be taught some secret funeral rites and mudra.

That was all the stuff that made my head almost explode. I am glad I have time to absorb this stuff, it is overwhelming to take in just in two days. Not being able to speak Korean, Pali or read Sanskrit has made all this much more challenging.

Also, an important part, was that our teacher told us to accept our position as Monks, that is who we are, and we shouldn't hide that fact. That part is still working its way into my head. I am slowly starting to jump into that fact. It's not like I wear my robes to work everyday like he did when he worked, but the idea is still there. I need to start to grasp that fact on a daily basis.

I am gearing up for the second semester that starts in October.

Slowly, but surely the feeling takes root, of what I am and what I am trying to be.

The Death of King Boogie

Earlier this week, Monday to be exact, I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to drive our dog Casey over to the vet to have him put down. He was old, and not doing very well over all, we started to see the end was near. He was uncomfortable, had a hard time walking, was eating sporadically. He would poop in his sleep, and he did sleep, a lot, almost the entire day. So, we felt the time was now. Before he couldn't walk, before he was in much more pain, before he lost his mind which can all happen so fast when dogs get this old. I can only wish someone does the same for me some day. To die with dignity, potentially even at a time of our control.

It was hard to make the appointment, hard to know the time was numbered. I spent time sitting with him when he was awake, which was not often.

Taking him in that day was the longest ride of my life, getting through the procedure was both sad, and at the same time a relief. He went peacefully, laying in my arms.

Casey was a unique dog, although I may be biased. He was always a sweet boy, everyone loved him and he lived a long charmed life. He dodged a lot of bullets as well - a tumor removed when he was eight - the vet told us she had never seen it not be cancer. But it wasn't. Then he developed heart disease and a murmur, but that didn't stop him. About a year ago he developed an aggressive form of cancer on his gums, which was removed and didn't come back. He started to have congestive heart failure a few months ago, but some meds slowed that down. All these times, we thought we would lose him, but never did. Once the time came to let him go, I had no regrets, it was absolutely the kindest thing I could do for him.

But still, it is upsetting and sad, and of course I missed him everyday I came home this week. Even though he stopped greeting us at the door a long time ago, knowing he was present was enough.

There is a huge misconception in Buddhism, that we are somehow without emotion, or shouldn't react to things with emotion, but that is realy not true. While in this body, tied and driven by so many emotions, mental reactions, attachments, clinging to what is, we too suffer and feel pain and sadness. We may deal with it differently, but it is and will always be there, until we too are no longer mortal.

To honor his passing, I have been chanting the Bardo prayer for him daily. Usually also the heart sutra. I light some incense and a candle. I hope he passes from this existance to the next, maybe in a better situation (although he had it made with us for 14 years - I will hope when I die to come back as one of our dogs).

There is a great part in the Salla Sutta (part of the Sutta Nipata) which is a reflection on death. It says: "When he sees that someone has passed away and lived out their life, he says 'He will not be seen by me again'.

We will collect his ashes, and find an appropriate place to spread them, or bury them. We will remember what a great dog he was, how much we loved him. He will not be seen by us again.

Rest in Peace Boog Boog - see you soon.

The Heart of the Matter

So I finished my paper on the Heart Sutra (Maha Prajnaparamita Hrdaya Sutra for you Buddologists out there). I should also say, I am way behind on posting and also need to do a 37 part exposé on the weekend retreat that I shall entitle "how my head nearly, literally exploded", but, I digress, so here is the Heart Sutra, once and for all, for everyone out there, laid out bare, no more walking around the facts: "You don't exist the way you think you do, so get over your bad self".

Ok, not nearly as poetic as say...anyone, I guess, but bear with me.

For those not familiar with the Heart Sutra, know it is part of a much larger work in the Mahayana school, which really came about 600 years after the Baghavat was alive. So, not actual words of the Baghavat, but more so the words of people trying to wake others up much later on. Much of the Mahayana school, which Zen (Son / Chan) is a part of, takes exception to the original concept of "save yourself". They were much more concerned with "save your self, by helping others along the way (Bodhisattvas)".

The Heart Sutra is a very important text to the Zenophiles out there, because it really contains a huge amount of the basic concepts of zen and Buddhism as a whole in very few lines.

Just to get everyone on board - here is a copy:

The Maha (Great) Prajnaparamita (Wisdom) Hrdaya (Heart) Sutra:

The Bodhisattva of Great Compassion
From the deep practice of Prajnaparamita
perceived the emptiness of all five skandas
and delivered all beings from their suffering

O, Shariputra, form is no other then emptiness, emptiness no other then form, form is emptiness, emptiness form. The same is true of feeling, thought, impulse and consciousness.

O, Shariputra, all dharmas are empty.
They are not born, nor annihilated. They are not defiled nor immaculate. They do not increase, nor decrease. So, in emptiness, no form, no feeling, no thought, no impulse, no consciousness.
No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind; no form, sound, smell, taste, touch, or objects of mind, no realm of sight, no realm of consciousness.

No ignorance, nor extinction of ignorance, no old age and death, nor extinction of them.
No suffering, no cause of suffering, no cease from suffering, no path to lead out of suffering, no knowledge, no attainment, no realization, for there is nothing to attain.

The Bodhisattva holds on to nothing but Pranjaparamita, therefore the mind is clear of any delusive hindrance. Without hindrance, there is no fear, away from all perverted views, one reaches final Nirvana.

All Buddhas of past, present and future, through faith in Prajnaparamita attain to the highest perfect enlightenment.

Know then, the Prajnaparamita is the great dharani, the radiant peerless mantrum, the utmost supreme mantrum, which is capable of allaying all pain. This is true beyond all doubt.

Proclaim now the highest wisdom, the Prajnaparamita.
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!


Ok - so what the hell does this all mean?

This is describing a conversation between the Bodhisattva of compassion (Avalokitesvara / Jijian Bosal / Kwannon / Quan Yin)(This is by the way, is who the Dalai Lama is supposed to be a reincarnation of) who is the one practicing prajnaparamita (great wisdom practice) talking to Shariputra, a main disciple to the Baghavat himself. Whew...ok, lets continue.

Avalokitesvara suddenly gets it - all of the five skandas don't really exist the way we think they do. The skandas are: Form or matter (Rupa), Feeling (Vedana), Thinking (Samjna), Mental formation (Samskara), and discernment or memory (Vijnana). Rupa, form or matter, causes the other four (Arupa Skandas) to arise (spontaneous mental reaction). If Rupa is empty, that is to say it has no lasting form and is in constant change, then the four Arupa responses to Rupa are also in flux, ever changing and therefore also empty.

So to sum it all up - form is empty, emptiness is form. So, nothing lasts, not any of that shit you keep in your house, your cool car, your awesome clothes, that fancy tv, and also, you as a person. Also, you, as a non lasting, empty of long term, ever changing thing also creates these other four things, which absolutely can't exist since you the container doesn't exist.

So, what the hell are you so worried about? Why should we grasp to these things that don't last including ourselves? Why not cut that cord from around our necks? That is the next part, ultimately - that a Bodhisattva, holds only to the understanding of all things being empty, and therefore is free.

Just to prove his point, he goes on and on, pointing out all of the vehicles that form the skandhas, pulling everything, even the teachings of the Baghavat, even the four noble truths out from under poor Shariputra and tells him - this is not real stuff, you just created your attachment using non existent stuff.

So, all of the rest of the sutra, he tells Shariputra that he is basically, full of it, proving it by showing how everything he considers teaching is also not real, or lasting, or created, and therefore can't stop or die.

Look, if you build a world out of Play Doh, it doesn't matter how detailed it is. At the end of the day, its still just Play Doh. The type your little weird neighbor kid will probably try and eat.

Just to give Shariputra something to work on, he provides him with a mantra (a short Dharani). Whats a Dharani you ask? A long mantra - now pay attention to the end and stop asking questions.

"Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!"

That is pronounced Gah-tay, not like the thing at the front of your fence. This means - "away, away, far away, far, far away to the other side, enlightenment, Whoooo! Fricken awsome!"

Bodhi Svaha is like a Buddhist version of "Amen" and means something like "to enligtenment".

So at the end, he says, lets all go together across this sea of shit to the other side to find our way.

In other words, face reality and get over it. What are you waiting for?

Monks gone wild! Summer break 09

The end of the first semester is here! We all passed. Our grade for the first semester: Kwatz!

So now the monks head off down to Daytona Beach to hang out with young hot chicks and party.

...Ok, I just received word that doesn't happen. I wish someone told me that at the start...

Oh well, Monks still know how to let loose during summer break as these pictures show:

This young monk break-dances to the sound of a Bombastic Moktok!


This monk is getting a tattoo in a local Daytona Beach parlor.
It's a heart with the word "Maya".


Shenanigans abound during break time!
First one to fall asleep gets their head shaved!

Ok, so I guess none of that stuff really happens...it would be fun though!

I actually have one last piece of business to complete before I can say I am done with this semester. We are asked to write a paper on the Heart Sutra. I was going to turn in a blank sheet and say - "the Heart Sutra teaches us that none of this stuff exists, including this paper I didn't write, it was not written, it has no way to be written, it has no path out of being written..." , but I think that has been tried before.

I am actually really pleased at the end of this semester. I have learned more in the past few months, in detail, then probably the last decade of surface understanding. Not to say I "get it" all, but do really have a much better grasp on the concepts and history of Buddhism. It was also very challenging at times. There were a number of "a-ha" moments for me during this period due to that challenge. This study starts to slowly unravel all of the bullshit we think is real and forces you to look at what is left. It's not easy...

It has pushed my meditation practice in a much different direction for sure. We all start by counting our breath, in and out, pushing away thoughts. Later on, you start to clear that gourd out faster, so more time can be spent in the uncluttered space. Then you start to ask yourself; "Self, who is doing the counting?" And when your smartypants "Self" can't answer anymore, you are left in a pretty interesting place. Hard to put words to - more like using a word to define itself.

Classes start up again in October, and I understand that the second and third semesters are by far the hardest. The first semester was half history and then the second much harder half was the terminology around the concepts and the general structure of understanding and reality.

I plan to continue to update this in the meantime between sun bathing and ginseng-tea-keggers. I do have other things going on at the temple, and a retreat in late July in Toronto I can comment on. I am really looking forward to the retreat - it is all about Temple protocol, ceremony and chanting / moktok playing, etc. Sounds like we plan to visit another large temple while we are there as well, which will be nice. Also, mah Dharma brothers and sistas will be there - the same ones that come out here when we have retreats. Its great getting everyone together. There is a wide range of experience with them all and its great to be around your bald peeps now and again to keep you on your path.

That's it for now - if you need me - check the beach, I'll be the one with the shaved head wearing a speedo and mala.

I Pity The Foo'

There is a chapter in the Dhamapada titled "The Fool". It goes something like this:

-----
Paraphrased:

"If, as the disciple fares along the way, he meets no companion who is better or equal, let him firmly pursue his solitary career. There is no fellowship with the foolish..."

"Fools of little wit move about with the very self as their own foe, doing evil deeds the fruit of which is bitter..."

"That deed is not well done when, after having done it, one repents, and when weeping, with tearful face, one reaps the fruit thereof..."

"As sweet as honey is an evil deed, so thinks the fool so long as it ripens not; but when it ripens, then he comes to grief..."

"Verily, an evil deed committed does not immediately bear fruit, just as milk curdles not at once; smouldering, it follows the fool like fire covered with ashes..."

"To his ruin, indeed, the fool gains knowledge and fame; they destroy his bright lot and cleave his head..."

"The fool will desire undue reputation, precedence among monks, authority in the monasteries, honour among other families..."

-----

I cut a number of verses out above, really focusing on these specifically. It can be difficult in life to have relationships that become one sided. Or relationships where you try to be helpful, but ultimately can't help. I think generally when I meet people who are having a difficult time in life, I try to help or council them however I can. Its a big reason I started down this path - to be able to outreach to people who I think I could help. Dharma or no Dharma, Buddhism aside, just helping to be an ear for people, maybe a word of advice and direction to help them see a new way. I think I have a unique perspective having had different periods of trouble in life, I am not the wisest person, but maybe have been through some things and lived to tell about it.

One of the hardest things in these situations is to not get pulled too far down the rabbit hole of someone else's issues. We can't live someone else's life for them, only try and guide or support them. Sometimes that becomes an impossible task, and we have to walk in a different direction. As the above verse indicates, don't walk with fools. That is to say help those who want help, those who will take you off course, walk another direction. Sometimes that feels like failure, but its really not. Some weeds have deep roots, and we could actually do more damage trying to pull the weeds straight out. It takes a master gardener, something not many of us are. Many times we also act as enablers, throwing more water on the weeds to make them grow into trees...

Sunim had a good line a few months ago - Buddhism will not cure mental illness. Its not a magic pill or practice that makes those things go away. If anything, I think it can amplify them, make them come out, sometimes in explosive ways. There are many things like this.

As the second line indicates - sometimes people can be their own worst enemies. And as those trying to help, sometimes we don't see the forest for the trees...

Death Grip

Wow, June got here fast. I was on a business trip right after the long weekend, and seemed to be away for weeks, not just the days it really was. It was an interesting trip to say the least...

First interesting thing was the first place I went, a division of ours in Ohio, is run by a man who also happens to be a Zen Priest with the Soto order. I read this in his bio a while ago and have been meaning to talk to him about it. Its not a very normal thing that you just run into these people all the time. Also, the office he runs had a number of people with mala hanging up at their stations. It was like a little Buddhist office. They were all laid back and happy to have me there, no worries on what I was showing them or talking about. It was a good experience with them overall and only took about 30 minutes of real "meeting time". The rest was spent going to lunch and just talking about his cool trip to China.

That afternoon I drove down farther into the state to visit the next location. I was feeling pretty relaxed, had my music up loud, but still almost wanted to just pull over a take a nap.

DAY TWO: I walk into the next division and I'm already tense. This place was the opposite. Very tense, very stressful. People stared at the table while I talked, had no interaction, and I actually thought one was going to lose it in the meeting and start shooting. This place is run by chaos and gripping to 'THINGS THAT ARE NO LONGER". Like the fact that we all are part of the same big company now, not individual islands.

The difference between the two places was so drastic that I really have to consider the sources of these attitudes. Both of these companies were acquired in the past year and a half - the first one was happy to have it, glad to be part of the whole and gets along just fine. The other, needed the transaction, can't let go or adapt to the changes that are taking place and start to do strange things to death grip the past.

Now, I'm not saying that the Buddhist group is better then the other group (probably a bunch of death grippin' Presbyterians). Ok, maybe I am pointing that out. However my main point is that CHANGE IS HARD! We get lazy, we get set on the good things and want to keep them. The funny part is - we more often cling to anything - even, and maybe especially, the bad stuff. We hold on to negative feelings WAY longer then good ones. We keep bad relationships going, and going, but rarely maintain or enjoy our good ones. We death grip our shitty position at our shitty jobs, missing the fact that opportunities abound for those who adapt to the situation and GROW.

Right now I am dealing with the fact that somehow I became 40. Although age doesn't really bother me so much, the changes I see in my face, my body, my attitudes and my pace strike me as odd. I saw my reflection in my iPod at lunch today and noticed how deep the lines around my eyes are getting. I don't recognize me anymore. My body is growing older, and at 40 I'm past my supposed "prime". I'm closer to being "sale" produce then "fresh" produce. Funny part - I'm probably in the best place in life I have been in a very long time - way better then when I was in my prime. I wonder how long I will try to Death Grip this moment?

As I started down this road I expected to learn and discover new ideas, but not as quickly as I feel I have started to, just by getting through this first semester (four weeks to go!). Many of the concepts in Buddhism are so direct and obvious that its surprising you couldn't have just figured this stuff out a long time ago. It strips away all that is not real or true and just shows it to you. Its funny how much we all get lead down roads, believe things that are so fantastic, so unbelievable that for the most part they are actually unbelievable, and not true. Yet people still believe them, still hold on to those ideas. I wonder what people 10,000 years ago would think if they could see our lives now? How far did their beliefs get them? What were they even? They became the same thing all our beliefs will become someday - filling up landfills like our water bottles.

One main teaching the Buddha showed us - nothing is permanent, nothing is unconnected. All things change as they are tied to everything else, which also change. I know it sounds like a Bob Marley song, but really think about that for a bit. The shit we are so freaked out about right now only matters in this very moment. The next is all new. How fucking awesome is that for us? Why do we not get it? We just have to let go and free fall for a bit to feel the wind on our stupid shaved heads.

More fun than a Temple full of Monkeys.

(Shocked Monkey can't believe this post.)

I attended a "mini-retreat" on Friday night. This is a small get away, three hours of meditation (with little breaks) from 7-10 at night. It is also more traditional then we do as regular service, we face the wall and don't talk during the breaks. I had a great time all the way through. The first meditation period I was getting a little sleepy, but was wide awake after that first one.

Part of what was good, is I am still focusing my time on the thoughts I had the previous weekend (see the pineapple post). This also was the fodder of a good conversation on that idea with Cindy, a professor of psychology and student in my Iai class. It is very interesting to me how close science, psychology and Buddhist philosophy come on these issues...I may have to ask her if I can post that conversation to some degree on here someday...

It is always a good idea to pull yourself away from your daily grind and focus on controlling your crazy-ass mind.

Today in service a new family came to visit for the first time, with a six year old. This was prompted by a religion class (we have a lot who come to the temple because of that reason), but they determined that they were interested in general and wanted to come. We don't have a kids group anymore (we are working on it) and I was at first stammering a bit when they showed up because I had a feeling this would be hard for a six year old...

So they went through the beginning of the service, with the cha nting and that all seemed fine, then the meditation period started (30 minutes). Now, its hard for a lot of adults to sit still for 30 minutes. For a six year old, that is nearly impossible. So almost instantly, probably three minutes in and the poor kid is already bored out of his mind and started to sigh heavily, within 10 minutes he was asking his mom in a loud whisper "how long do we have to do this" and just five minutes later, "I'm tired of sitting here".

So this type of thing used to really bother me. My thoughts on this is usually how people don't discipline their children anymore. They want everyone to treat them like special snowflakes no matter what, and let them get away with murder. Its "new parenting" gone haywire...

However, what I was really thinking this time was to not laugh out loud. This little kid was probably mirroring the same thing that was going through all of our heads - he was the reflection our our wondering minds in meditation. Our minds, no matter how old, act like a bored six year old during meditation. They call this the "monkey mind" at times, but its the same thing (you can see a lot of similarity between a six year old boy and a monkey, actually). Its hard to keep focused on the task at hand, keeping the mind still. Much like a six year old sitting on a mat (or fidgeting mostly) our minds are constantly trying to get our attention and distract us. That is why we practice. That may not excuse parents for not teaching children how to behave, but it does say a lot about adults. If we can't focus for five seconds as adults, how can we teach our children how to focus? By the way, we are the examples for them if we forgot that.

(Thoughtful Monkey Agrees with the paragraph above)

So, overall it worked out just fine. I hope we in time do get a children's group together. I think it is important to teach these values and techniques when kids are young. Not many people think to do that...

Pineapple Origination

So, I had an interesting thing happen today during the meditation period at our Sunday service. I was starting to drift away a little bit and a random thought came into my head, as they do. It went something like: "Wow, you are not very hungry right now even though you only had a few pieces of pineapple this morning." At that point I saw a piece of pineapple in my head clear as day and within a few minutes, my stomach was growling my body trying to digest that piece of "mind pineapple" I was just thinking about.

(Reenactment)

Now - anyone who has tried meditation on a regular basis, or been to a longer practice period, or really has just sat with other people know that this type of thing can happen. No sooner then it gets quiet in the zendo that the stomach thunder starts rolling in. So, not really so amazing...

But what struck me, was that the shear idea of pineapple caused a reaction in my body - I reacted to an imaginary piece of pineapple even tried to digest that sucker. My body reacted, my mind reacted (by visualizing said piece of pineapple, etc). It wasn't real, I made it up, yet acted as though it was. For the most part I reacted whether it was real or not.

How often do we do this with other things in life? We question ourselves in our mind, we create scenarios; doubts, fears, objections and without really knowing it our body reacts, our mind reacts we bring these things from nothing into something. But just like the pineapple - they don't exist. So we think we can't get through those prostrations, or live our lives, or make do with less, and viola - we don't. Think out our stress - it is like the pineapple - totally self induced, totally self created, the sum of all those fears, doubts, etc rolling around in our heads making our stomachs rumble. Its not real, we just make it so.

One of my favorite quotes is:

"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened"
- Mark Twain

The idea of dependent origination is similar to the pineapple piece. All things are the effect of something that caused it to be, thus causing new effects and new results, all intertwined, all linked together. The point is: you can't separate the parts, you can only respond to the cause or the effect. You can also be the cause, you can be the effect and in the process you effect the entire net. A lot of times people mistake the idea of Karma to mean the effect - something happens to you and we say "That's Karma!" but karma is actually the cause, not the effect - it comes from the beginning. all the way back to the intent of the action. Good or bad intention causes good or bad karmic effects.

So we can create sweat pieces of fake pineapple to bring into the world, or we can imagine all sorts of things - like unhappiness, mistrust, anger, doubts, fears and bring those into the world - it all comes from the same mind, all the same place.

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate bodhi svaha!

Happy Birth-and-Death-day Buddha!

Today we celebrated Vesekha Puja, also know as "Buddha's Birthday". The birthday aspect is actually a western focus, since we are so much about birthdays. Vesekha is also the celebration of the Awakening of Siddhartha Gotama, the birth and the death. "Happy Buddha's Death Day" doesn't have such a nice ring to it however. Interestingly enough, the man known as "The Buddha" was actually not called that in his lifetime. He was called the "Tagathata" (one who has come, or found truth) or "Bhagava" (one who is blessed). Once he died, he was freed from the attachment of being a human and all that goes with it. Once he was freed, he was known as the Buddha. Vesekha celebrates all of those things that made Siddartha Gotama into the man we know now as "The Buddha".

It was interesting that during the Dharma talk today, Sunim spoke about the story of Siddhartha's birth he spoke about the difference between the reality of the story and the fictional version, or the poetic version of the story. The fictional story was from the Buddhacarita which was writen by a poet and dramatist. The fictional story goes something like: His mother was visited by a white elephant in her dreams, the elephant had six tusks, and a lotus in his trunk and he put the lotus into her womb. Later, as she is heading to her parents house while pregnant, she give bith in the Lumbini garden, and the tree branches bend to help support her, and when Siddhartha is born, flowers fall from the sky and it rains sweet tea over his head and a stream of water flows to wash Maya (his mother). Siddhartha takes sevens steps and lotus flowers bloom under his feet and he says in a clear voice "I have arrived to bring truth to the world". Then I'm sure more flowers rained from the sky and dogs and cats started living in harmony and the moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars. Oh, whooops, that is the age of Aquarius...my bad.

The reality is actually that Maya was a real person, who was married to King Suddhodana of the Shakya clan (Kapilavatthu was the place, now in Tibet). She was pregnant and did travel to her parents house and along the way, gave birth to Prince Siddhartha in the Lumbini Garden (this is a real place). She most likely did hang onto a branch of a tree as standing birth was the custom of that time. These were real people, in a real kingdom in a real place 2553 years ago.

So why all the added hooha?

I think its hard for people to hear of great accomplishment and think they can do it themselves. Its hard to achieve big things. When people can't live up to the expectation, they have to believe that those who do are somehow above them, somehow destined to do so, otherworldly, god-like. It takes the burden off of ourselves. Its much easier to believe that Siddhartha was destined to be awakened, was blessed by spirits of white elephants, rained on by the heavens. Since that shit didn't happen to us at our births, we are somehow let off the hook. That can't be me, I didn't walk the minute I was born, lotus flowers didn't bloom under my feet, must not be me.

The truth is the Buddha was a man, a regular person like us all. He worked hard to understand the truth, worked with many teachers (was not self taught), went through great hardship (lived in the jungle with no food and clothes for years) and ultimately, through his own trials became awake. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen overnight. By the way, once he achieved awakening, he struggled the rest of his life, he lived for 80 years. Awakening was just the start, it took the rest of his life to explain and teach. He was a man, he made mistakes along the way. That is the nature of being a person, including the nature of Siddhartha. Once his body died, and he was freed from his final attachment, he was able to be a Buddha.

We all have the ability to wake up, all have the ability to be a better person. It doesn't take elephant visits in the night or flowers under our feet.

So as we celebrate this weekend the birth, life and passing of Siddhartha into Buddha-ness, I think its important for us all to stop for a moment and wonder: "what the hell have I have done lately?"

Weekend Dichotomy

As the Clash song goes: "Well, I just got back and I wish I never leave now..."

I jut returned from Las Vegas for a work event. Last week, Zen Retreat, this week Las Vegas. I have only heard one suggestion that would be farther off and that would be if I went to Amsterdam. I have never been a Vegas fan. We went there about 10 years ago at the suggestion that "you just have to see it". I agree, to some degree, that it is a spectacle to see, a unique place in our country, a famous landmark to a degree, like the Mount Rushmore of excess.

I understand if you enjoy gambling, enjoy nightlife and walking the streets with oversized drinks this would be a great place, and I don't really fault those who enjoy it. I don't. Even less so lately.

I tried get involved, I played a slot machine (Star Wars) and was really bored in about the time it took half of my $2 to go through a penny slot. There is no strategy, just the repeated pressing on the button that makes your money go away. This machine, by the way has been designed to slowly remove you from your money. Slowly, so you feel like you are winning, but ultimately, its main purpose is to remove your money from you. Some people enjoy the process, they are entertaining to a degree, but I really just can't stand more then a few minutes watching, then I get bored.

One thing that Vegas does have that I am a fan of is good restaurants. I really do like trying all sorts of food and they have some really great ones there. One night we went to "Tao" (the restaurant, not like the "unnamed" source of all things). This place was really beautiful - looked like a huge temple complete with 2 story Buddha statue and decor. Now, I was really, actually kinda torn by this place. The food was great, but pricey and I really liked the interior, but part of me was really getting upset over the commercialization of the statues and the theme in general. Here was all of these great pieces of art and what they represent is not the debauchery of a vegas restaurant. They even had a large photo of a Tibetan monk on the wall. I doubt he expected his image to sit over this place when it was made.

So again - this Dichotomy of approaches came into my head. I enjoyed myself, food was great, it was nice to be in a cool restaurant with my wife, having fun. Although, by doing so, I add to the "ok-ness" of using a figure of Buddha as decor. This type of thing never really bothered me as it does now. I wonder what response people would have if they had a nightclub with a two story Jesus statue over the dinning room and pictures of nuns on the wall (no doubt this concept will be a night club there by next year). They certainly didn't like that I started doing prostrations in the middle of the walkway (I didn't really do that, but maybe should have).


Ultimately, these are just statues and nothing more. There is nothing "holy" about them. Heck, Holy isn't really a part of the Buddhist concept, and these are no more then carved wood and plaster. They could be in the shape of a ScoobyDoo or a Bust of Elvis, but in this case they are in the shape of the Buddha. So, does that make it a bad thing - or just ridiculous? Some people don't think its a good idea to put a Buddhist statue in the bathroom. I used to feel the same. I think the zen approach wouldn't be so upset by that - taking a shit is as Buddhist as prostrations and beads. Maybe we should put more statues in the bathroom to remember that.

One thing that I find being in these situations, like in Vegas, and maybe its what bothered me more, is that it was easier to be tempted to do things I am trying not to do. Like drink alcohol in excess, like eat in excess, or spend money in excess (which happens there whether you try or not). But putting myself into those situations, it is harder to act how I would like to. So, why do it? I can tell you I didn't do any prostration while I was there, even though I intended to. I didn't meditate once, as has been my practice lately.

Living in the "mundane" world as we are said to be, is hard enough without the added tempation. Monks who live in monestaries are doing so to remove themselves one more step from the "mundane" world and avoid even regular temptations that distract us from practice. Living in the shit makes your job harder, but can also make your practice stronger.

So, I didn't like Vegas before I went, and still don't, but this time I actually knew why. I put myself in check alot. I considered my precepts much more then I normally have to. I learned that between the choice of prostrations, sleeping on the floor and eating my food out of a begging bowl, or a cushy hotel room and nightlife, I am happier and more comfortable in the first situation. I guess that is all part of the trip.

So, as they say "what happens in Vegas, stays in vegas". My hope is that it all stays in Vegas, contained and at a great distance.

Prostrations. Buddhist head banging?

So another thing that we did a lot of during the retreat and is now part of my daily practice is prostrations. Its somewhat traditional to do 108 prostrations in the morning, or derivatives of 108 (54, 27 etc). Doing prostrations can be physically difficult, especially if you are out of shape, have bad knees, or don't enjoy doing a ton of squat thrusts. I am starting to get through this better since I have been working up to doing 108 every morning. I started doing 27, then 54 and then made the jump to 108. I have been able to keep this up now for a few weeks, maybe skipping a day here or there, but for the most part, I do them.

So, what they hell is a prostration? Why do this?

It throws off a lot of people I can tell you when they come to visit the temple. I have heard more college students say or ask this after visiting as part of a religions class visit: "Are you worshiping? Worshiping idols? Bowing and worshiping false idols? Are you IDOL worshipers?"

So, first, I have to say, so what if we are (we are not, but I will get there)? I think it is funny that people see what we do, immediately make the jump to compare to their belief or religion and then get offended or upset. You are visiting what we do, this isn't a satan rally. Second of all - we are not worshiping a statue of Buddha when we do prostrations. Its more like bowing, shaking hands, smiling - all forms of polite respect. We are paying respect to the concepts and teachings the Buddha represents. Its a humbling gesture, like bowing your head lower then a senior person. We do prostrations to our teacher when he visits. The action is generally misunderstood, since we don't know how to be humble in this country. We are too often running around with our foam fingers up high, instead of knocking ourselves down a bit. Humility is important, how else will you ever learn anything if you think you are the smartest person in the room, or the world?


When people take the precepts in our order, they are expected to do 3,000 prostrations prior to the event. These can be broken up, 50 day for so many months, etc. Its a sign of commitment and respect to what you are about to undertake. Some orders do many more, up to 10,000 in the Tibetan groups.

We did 108 on Saturday morning before the precept takers arrived. On Sunday, after morning worship (there is that word again) the clergy did 108. Well, the precept takers were supposed to do 108 as well that morning, so some of us did them again with them! So we did 216 prostrations that morning, within about 45 minutes. When I took my precepts the first time, we did 324 the night before. It was tough to walk the next day. It can be hard to get through, but after a while it becomes very meditative, much like walking meditation. By the way, there are also walking prostrations: take three steps, do a prostration, stand up, three more steps, etc. There are pilgrims who do this for hundreds of miles to get from their home to Bodh gaya sometimes leaving big welts on their foreheads.

I have heard a lot of reasons for prostrations, but the one I like the best is that when we do prostrations, we are bowing to the Buddha nature in ourselves. So try and lower your head every now and then, the world is a huge place and its very likely that you don't know much.

Hey brother, can ya spare a dime...(Now with Bonus Photo)

So one of the bigger events for me this past weekend was officially receiving my begging bowls. The term Bhikkhu (for male - Bhikkhunis for females) is used to describe Buddhist monks but translates as "beggar". The original sangha (Buddhist community) was a commune of beggars. They would go through the surrounding towns at a certain time each day and the shop keepers and people living in the town would put small amounts of food in their bowls. So the bowl is a pretty important thing to have. No bowl, no food.



The Korean style of bowls (4 or 5) are used to this day three times daily in the "bowl ceremony" during meals. This exact way of doing meals has been going on for over 2000 years in Buddhist monasteries in different parts of the world.



The ceremony we were taught the last retreat we were able to perform this time (but with more people). I won't go into mass detail, but basically, each move is signaled with a chugpi (a bamboo clapper). We unwrap the bowl set which has the outer tie, a cloth placemat, a holder for chopsticks and spoon, a napkin, the bowl cover and the bowls.





After everything is out - there is a specific way to lay out the bowls (using your thumbs). Each bowl is used for something different: rice, soup, vegetables and water.



Then the junior person will get up and serve water (which we use to wash the bowls) and in turn, rice, then soup, etc...

After is all is passed out, we chant briefly and then we have three minutes to eat. I'm not kidding, we have to eat quickly, and each time we switch food, we put one bowl down, then pick up another. Also we eat in silence. As the monk says in the movie "Hi, Dharma": "We are eating rice and vegetables, not spoons and chopsticks, so there should be no noise."

We also have to eat everything we take, down to the last grain of rice. I was shown a trick last time to make this easier - by sprinkling a little soup broth into your rice the grains don't stick to the bowl. I was never the last one to finish, but was also never the first. I was able to eat everything without much issue, I just learned early on that you don't stop - I went in a circuit of rice, then soup (which helps washing down a mouthful of rice) then vegetables (Kimchee!), then back to rice, etc...

At the end, we use water to wash out the bowls, and we leave a little piece of Kimchee or pickle to wash out the bowls with our chopsticks. Its like a little brillo pad. We move the water from bowl to bowl, washing and moving and then we drink the water and eat the brillo pad! It was kinda gross at first, but you get over it. The bowl ceremony is completed by drying out each bowl and reassembling the whole deal. Then the bowls get placed in order for the next meal. It is simple, wastes nothing and is very efficient...

Our teacher was placed in the kitchens when he was growing up as a novice monk. He said even after he was fully ordained he was put in the kitchens to work. Good luck for us, because he does all the cooking. I volunteered to be the kitchen assistant this time which was a lot of fun for me assisting him and learning how to make these great, yet simple dishes. Korean temple food seems to have a couple of general ingredients: garlic, garlic, vegetables, broth and garlic. Oh and Kimchee. The result is simple dishes that have great flavor. Also the Kimchee and pickles help digestion. He made soup every morning and evening, starting with German Potato Soup which had sausage, potatoes, celery, zucchini, garlic and ketchup in the broth. Many of the soups he made were like this: simple ingredients, broth, some oil and a few spices.

Wait, did I just say sausage in the soup? That's right, meat was in the soup. Vegetarian diets are a stereotype of Buddhists (one I was perpetuating for seven years). Remember what I said at the start? Buddhists were beggars - if someone throws a steak in your bowl, you eat it. Even if it's medium rare, and you like it rare, and there is no A-1. Bhikkhus can't bhichoosers. The Buddha ate meat. Don't want to shock anyone, but that is pretty well known. In fact there is a great story about him eating spoiled meat at the end of his life...(doesn't sound great - but I will elaborate at a different time). Some Buddhist cultures do not eat meat, many, if not most, do...

As Teacher told me the first night when we were prepping the most of the food to get us through the weekend, that "you can't be a monk if you don't know how to cook!"

That is all for now. When we finish our meals we shout this - and so I will shout it to you: "Kamsa Hamida!" (thank you!)

BONUS PHOTO!

Birth

So - another attempt and starting a blog and maintaining it. I wonder if this will actually take root. I have tried a few times, not being much of a "journal maker", yet I think some may be interested in the current path I find myself walking. Specifically, that of a novice Buddhist seminary student, someone who after many years of scratching the surface itch has decided to get out the back scratcher and really "get in there"...

I was ordained as a Dharmacari last year for the second time (first time I took my precepts was in 2004?). This time was with the Taego Order, a Korean Zen tradition (the second largest in Korea). However, by comparison to the Chogye Order, we have less than half the monks they do. The Taego order is also looked down upon from some traditional monks since the rules are a little different in this order. The biggest (and it is a big one) is that Taego monks can be married. In fact, family is encouraged. It seems to make good sense to me, but apparently not everyone.

We are also a small group in America currently. There are about a dozen people at different levels throughout the country and we are growing, but not really represented well here at this time. Its actually an exciting time to be involved with the group and our teacher Dr. Jongmae Park (Kunsunim - Bishop of the overseas Sangha). The people I meet through our retreats are the very people forming the future of this order in America, shaping it into what ever form it may take.

I will write a new post about the past weekend retreat, but it was a great experience - one of the best so far.

So, with that - here is the first post. Maybe there will be more. Maybe this will be it.