Well, I have jumped into semester two full force and have not had much time to post here, but will do so now.
This semester has started off directly dealing with cause and effect, causational relationships, karma and the twelve states of arising. We are also starting to dive into the Madhyama Pratipad (middle path). Now, all of this breaking out of each stage of arising, each level of karmic intention and worlds of extremes and not extremes really boils down to: there is no black and white ultimately, there are greys upon greys upon greys.
Now, those art majors out there will understand that layering greys will look black in time, and the same is true with layering non greys. So to is the idea of causational relationships, karmic intention and the influence of a third vehicle on development of all these things (conditions).
I have always been a pretty black and white guy. This is right, that's wrong, this is correct, that is not correct, this is good, this is bad. But I have becoming aware that my life is very grey (albiet layered in many areas to appear black). Also, none of these things that arise and fall in life are permanent, so like black stirred into white paint, there are ever changing layers and tones. So black could be white by tomorrow (like Michael Jackson).
So when we move in a direction, our actions can cause great reactions on the other side, not always how you would expect. Sometimes we do things, even inadvertently and the effect can cause great harm or bad feelings in someone or somethings life. That can cause additional reactions, anger, fear, hurt, etc. This causes that same echo to continue into other aspects and so on. We are all connected completely yet never see the effect until it becomes evident, sometimes at a much later time and way, so its hard to connect the dots back. At the same time, our intentions can cause the opposite response, but that may not always be a positive conclusion either down the line either. All we can go on is the intention at the start. That is actually what the term Karma means (everyone always thinks its the result - something happens to someone and they say "well there is karma for ya", but ultimately Karma was what we put forth, the reaction is something totally different).
Also, I believe there is a misconception that a Buddhist (monk or not) is somehow always happy and sunny and friendly. There are many examples of these flakey, new agey, smiling people in the Buddhist sub-word. Usually they are selling something. But the reality is sometimes you can't be that way, or stay that way, or be effective that way. Sometimes you have to be an asshole to get a point across. Sometimes anger is just a response to something that causes anger. To look at it otherwise is not the Madhyama Pratipad. To say its bad to kill animals for food, yet its ok to kill a million bugs to eat vegetables is a very Black and White viewpoint. The Buddha was not always a shiny happy person as the world at large probably thinks. He adjusted his view to the situation and the person he was encountering. And he too was changing at every point in his life. He was 80 when he died, he was not the same Bhagavat at 80 that he was at 34. Seeing the truth does not make you immortal, a superhero, non-aging being, a god among men. He was a man among men (and women), and animals (and bugs) and everything else. What he put forth into the world, directed at each person and time made sense at that time, with that person. Anyone who thinks they can be the same happy shiny person to everyone about everything will miss most of the time.
I have been floating around the idea of being a monk for years (even back in the 90's with the other group I was involved with). I hesitated all this time because I thought I could never be that guy - that happy person that was always perfect and wise in all things. It didn't seem achievable. Now I know that the point of being a good monk comes from being what and who you are. What I put out is all that I can do, right or wrong, black, white or grey. I can adjust to fit the situation, need to actually most of the time.
EDIT: I was just listening to Cat Stevens / Yusuf Islam while working and heard his remake of this song. Seems very in line with some of what I mean to say here. Should have known, it always pays off listening to the Cat...
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
People, do you understand me now,
If sometimes I feel a little mad
Don't you know no one alive can
always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem a little sad
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
You know sometimes, I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
Sometimes seems that all I have is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems and I get more
than my share
But that's one thing I never mean to do
I don't mean it
People, don't you know I'm only human
Don't you know I have faults like any one
But sometimes I find myself alone regretting
Some little thing; some foolish thing
that I have done,
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Don't let me be misunderstood
I'm just someone whose intentions are good
Don't let me be misunderstood,
Don't let me be misunderstood
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