First interesting thing was the first place I went, a division of ours in Ohio, is run by a man who also happens to be a Zen Priest with the Soto order. I read this in his bio a while ago and have been meaning to talk to him about it. Its not a very normal thing that you just run into these people all the time. Also, the office he runs had a number of people with mala hanging up at their stations. It was like a little Buddhist office. They were all laid back and happy to have me there, no worries on what I was showing them or talking about. It was a good experience with them overall and only took about 30 minutes of real "meeting time". The rest was spent going to lunch and just talking about his cool trip to China.
That afternoon I drove down farther into the state to visit the next location. I was feeling pretty relaxed, had my music up loud, but still almost wanted to just pull over a take a nap.
DAY TWO: I walk into the next division and I'm already tense. This place was the opposite. Very tense, very stressful. People stared at the table while I talked, had no interaction, and I actually thought one was going to lose it in the meeting and start shooting. This place is run by chaos and gripping to 'THINGS THAT ARE NO LONGER". Like the fact that we all are part of the same big company now, not individual islands.
The difference between the two places was so drastic that I really have to consider the sources of these attitudes. Both of these companies were acquired in the past year and a half - the first one was happy to have it, glad to be part of the whole and gets along just fine. The other, needed the transaction, can't let go or adapt to the changes that are taking place and start to do strange things to death grip the past.
Now, I'm not saying that the Buddhist group is better then the other group (probably a bunch of death grippin' Presbyterians). Ok, maybe I am pointing that out. However my main point is that CHANGE IS HARD! We get lazy, we get set on the good things and want to keep them. The funny part is - we more often cling to anything - even, and maybe especially, the bad stuff. We hold on to negative feelings WAY longer then good ones. We keep bad relationships going, and going, but rarely maintain or enjoy our good ones. We death grip our shitty position at our shitty jobs, missing the fact that opportunities abound for those who adapt to the situation and GROW.
Right now I am dealing with the fact that somehow I became 40. Although age doesn't really bother me so much, the changes I see in my face, my body, my attitudes and my pace strike me as odd. I saw my reflection in my iPod at lunch today and noticed how deep the lines around my eyes are getting. I don't recognize me anymore. My body is growing older, and at 40 I'm past my supposed "prime". I'm closer to being "sale" produce then "fresh" produce. Funny part - I'm probably in the best place in life I have been in a very long time - way better then when I was in my prime. I wonder how long I will try to Death Grip this moment?
As I started down this road I expected to learn and discover new ideas, but not as quickly as I feel I have started to, just by getting through this first semester (four weeks to go!). Many of the concepts in Buddhism are so direct and obvious that its surprising you couldn't have just figured this stuff out a long time ago. It strips away all that is not real or true and just shows it to you. Its funny how much we all get lead down roads, believe things that are so fantastic, so unbelievable that for the most part they are actually unbelievable, and not true. Yet people still believe them, still hold on to those ideas. I wonder what people 10,000 years ago would think if they could see our lives now? How far did their beliefs get them? What were they even? They became the same thing all our beliefs will become someday - filling up landfills like our water bottles.
One main teaching the Buddha showed us - nothing is permanent, nothing is unconnected. All things change as they are tied to everything else, which also change. I know it sounds like a Bob Marley song, but really think about that for a bit. The shit we are so freaked out about right now only matters in this very moment. The next is all new. How fucking awesome is that for us? Why do we not get it? We just have to let go and free fall for a bit to feel the wind on our stupid shaved heads.
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