The Birth of King Boogie

The Resting Place of the Ashes, formerly know as Boogie
(hint - they are under the Buddha)

So this past Sunday was the 49 day memorial of Casey passing. I held a little ceremony here for him on his last day (chanting various things), and then later we put the can into the ground and lit some incense around the statue.

Its actually a pretty interesting way to look at death, and this may be the first time I got it. Buddhists believe that after a living thing's body dies, the consciousness (not soul - there is no soul) starts to move into an inbetween phase. This is more like the ghost image on your tv after you shut it off - the lingering consciousness of that sattva. It starts to go through stages of moving back into the source of all things, and at the same time is traveling towards a new destination. Buddhists believe these stages last 49 days. After that time is past, the consciousness that we would say was the "lingering essence" of that sattva takes a new form and starts the cycle again. So, as of Monday - Boogie is back. Maybe he is a puppy again, or a little boy or girl, maybe he is a lion or a woodchuck. Buddhists also believe that the cycle of becoming a higher form of life has a lot to do with your previous existence - we call this Karma - what you put in motion. Once the passing occurs - the direction can take you to a better situation. One way we try to help a "Bardo" or one who is in the state of passing is to help direct them. This is one role of a monk for those who have passed - to act as a spiritual guide through that period. Through ceremony, chanting, and other ways, we help to guide the "Bardo" to a better existence, where they can be a help to themselves and others.

Its also a common belief that only a human thing can reach past the cycle of birth and death, by knowing what to do, leading the right path breaks that cycle. I am not sure if I believe that to be true, so maybe Casey was already calling this existence in, knowing he was going to pass out of the cycle. That would be nice, but I hope in someway he had a nice birthday Monday. The world could use sattvas like Boog.

It does say a lot about the people around us, the cycle of life and death and life. Now that I know he is somewhere, I feel less sad about his not being here. I can laugh when I think of him as a little boy right now. Actually my friend had a little boy a day or so ago - maybe that is Boog's consciousness starting over.

Classes start again tomorrow - here comes semester 2...

Update

So, I have not updated in a while, after the post about Casey, I haven't been ready to jump back into the blog much. However, I feel I need to get the information out from the retreat the previous week, so I will start the 37 part series on how my head nearly exploded.

First off, I had a great conversation with my teacher on the ride out. Three and half hours is a good amount of time to kill in a small car. We talked about all types of stuff, and I think got to know each other much better, more like two guys chatting for the most part. I think the most relevant part to bring up is that on the way we discussed my direction in all this and I had a chance to ask a number of questions. The outcome is that I decided to go for full ordination as a Bikkhu, instead of a Dharma Teacher. Its the difference of becoming an actual monk, instead of a teacher of the Dharma (only). This is really just on paper, Dharma teachers and Monks both try and do the same thing, but being a Bikkhu, you are able to lead a sangha, have students, etc...

So, that was a big step. Also, when asked that very night by our head teacher what my direction was, and when I answered such, I had a good support of the people there. There seemed to be a positive reaction to that decision. My teacher said "see, I'm not the only one who thinks you were born to this". That was actually an interesting moment for me, since all along I have been silently questioning this direction for me. I have always been drawn here, but not sure why. So, I intend to explore that a bit. Also, our head teacher took a little pressure off and said he would like me to hold off ordination for two years (2011) and wait until my teacher takes his next step (in 2010). He would like me to be his first disciple and be the first American ordained monk (meaning ordained in America instead of Korea, which I believe is his idea of the future). So that was a lot to take in. That was that first night.

The next day we got up at 5:30 and started the retreat, which I will not go into great detail on, only to say it was a ton of info. There is not that much info passed on in most groups, you may get ordained and then you are on your own, with maybe a book to follow. Our teacher is much more old school, and is teaching us these things like we were back 40 years ago in the monastery. We were taugh how to use a bell (Yoyong), a mottok, a hammered bowl, numerous chants, and the Korea Monk version of the Tea Ceremony (which I am excited to jump into a bit). There is a lot of etiquette to running an ceremony, which was laid out. We also will next time be taught some secret funeral rites and mudra.

That was all the stuff that made my head almost explode. I am glad I have time to absorb this stuff, it is overwhelming to take in just in two days. Not being able to speak Korean, Pali or read Sanskrit has made all this much more challenging.

Also, an important part, was that our teacher told us to accept our position as Monks, that is who we are, and we shouldn't hide that fact. That part is still working its way into my head. I am slowly starting to jump into that fact. It's not like I wear my robes to work everyday like he did when he worked, but the idea is still there. I need to start to grasp that fact on a daily basis.

I am gearing up for the second semester that starts in October.

Slowly, but surely the feeling takes root, of what I am and what I am trying to be.

The Death of King Boogie

Earlier this week, Monday to be exact, I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to drive our dog Casey over to the vet to have him put down. He was old, and not doing very well over all, we started to see the end was near. He was uncomfortable, had a hard time walking, was eating sporadically. He would poop in his sleep, and he did sleep, a lot, almost the entire day. So, we felt the time was now. Before he couldn't walk, before he was in much more pain, before he lost his mind which can all happen so fast when dogs get this old. I can only wish someone does the same for me some day. To die with dignity, potentially even at a time of our control.

It was hard to make the appointment, hard to know the time was numbered. I spent time sitting with him when he was awake, which was not often.

Taking him in that day was the longest ride of my life, getting through the procedure was both sad, and at the same time a relief. He went peacefully, laying in my arms.

Casey was a unique dog, although I may be biased. He was always a sweet boy, everyone loved him and he lived a long charmed life. He dodged a lot of bullets as well - a tumor removed when he was eight - the vet told us she had never seen it not be cancer. But it wasn't. Then he developed heart disease and a murmur, but that didn't stop him. About a year ago he developed an aggressive form of cancer on his gums, which was removed and didn't come back. He started to have congestive heart failure a few months ago, but some meds slowed that down. All these times, we thought we would lose him, but never did. Once the time came to let him go, I had no regrets, it was absolutely the kindest thing I could do for him.

But still, it is upsetting and sad, and of course I missed him everyday I came home this week. Even though he stopped greeting us at the door a long time ago, knowing he was present was enough.

There is a huge misconception in Buddhism, that we are somehow without emotion, or shouldn't react to things with emotion, but that is realy not true. While in this body, tied and driven by so many emotions, mental reactions, attachments, clinging to what is, we too suffer and feel pain and sadness. We may deal with it differently, but it is and will always be there, until we too are no longer mortal.

To honor his passing, I have been chanting the Bardo prayer for him daily. Usually also the heart sutra. I light some incense and a candle. I hope he passes from this existance to the next, maybe in a better situation (although he had it made with us for 14 years - I will hope when I die to come back as one of our dogs).

There is a great part in the Salla Sutta (part of the Sutta Nipata) which is a reflection on death. It says: "When he sees that someone has passed away and lived out their life, he says 'He will not be seen by me again'.

We will collect his ashes, and find an appropriate place to spread them, or bury them. We will remember what a great dog he was, how much we loved him. He will not be seen by us again.

Rest in Peace Boog Boog - see you soon.

The Heart of the Matter

So I finished my paper on the Heart Sutra (Maha Prajnaparamita Hrdaya Sutra for you Buddologists out there). I should also say, I am way behind on posting and also need to do a 37 part exposé on the weekend retreat that I shall entitle "how my head nearly, literally exploded", but, I digress, so here is the Heart Sutra, once and for all, for everyone out there, laid out bare, no more walking around the facts: "You don't exist the way you think you do, so get over your bad self".

Ok, not nearly as poetic as say...anyone, I guess, but bear with me.

For those not familiar with the Heart Sutra, know it is part of a much larger work in the Mahayana school, which really came about 600 years after the Baghavat was alive. So, not actual words of the Baghavat, but more so the words of people trying to wake others up much later on. Much of the Mahayana school, which Zen (Son / Chan) is a part of, takes exception to the original concept of "save yourself". They were much more concerned with "save your self, by helping others along the way (Bodhisattvas)".

The Heart Sutra is a very important text to the Zenophiles out there, because it really contains a huge amount of the basic concepts of zen and Buddhism as a whole in very few lines.

Just to get everyone on board - here is a copy:

The Maha (Great) Prajnaparamita (Wisdom) Hrdaya (Heart) Sutra:

The Bodhisattva of Great Compassion
From the deep practice of Prajnaparamita
perceived the emptiness of all five skandas
and delivered all beings from their suffering

O, Shariputra, form is no other then emptiness, emptiness no other then form, form is emptiness, emptiness form. The same is true of feeling, thought, impulse and consciousness.

O, Shariputra, all dharmas are empty.
They are not born, nor annihilated. They are not defiled nor immaculate. They do not increase, nor decrease. So, in emptiness, no form, no feeling, no thought, no impulse, no consciousness.
No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind; no form, sound, smell, taste, touch, or objects of mind, no realm of sight, no realm of consciousness.

No ignorance, nor extinction of ignorance, no old age and death, nor extinction of them.
No suffering, no cause of suffering, no cease from suffering, no path to lead out of suffering, no knowledge, no attainment, no realization, for there is nothing to attain.

The Bodhisattva holds on to nothing but Pranjaparamita, therefore the mind is clear of any delusive hindrance. Without hindrance, there is no fear, away from all perverted views, one reaches final Nirvana.

All Buddhas of past, present and future, through faith in Prajnaparamita attain to the highest perfect enlightenment.

Know then, the Prajnaparamita is the great dharani, the radiant peerless mantrum, the utmost supreme mantrum, which is capable of allaying all pain. This is true beyond all doubt.

Proclaim now the highest wisdom, the Prajnaparamita.
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!


Ok - so what the hell does this all mean?

This is describing a conversation between the Bodhisattva of compassion (Avalokitesvara / Jijian Bosal / Kwannon / Quan Yin)(This is by the way, is who the Dalai Lama is supposed to be a reincarnation of) who is the one practicing prajnaparamita (great wisdom practice) talking to Shariputra, a main disciple to the Baghavat himself. Whew...ok, lets continue.

Avalokitesvara suddenly gets it - all of the five skandas don't really exist the way we think they do. The skandas are: Form or matter (Rupa), Feeling (Vedana), Thinking (Samjna), Mental formation (Samskara), and discernment or memory (Vijnana). Rupa, form or matter, causes the other four (Arupa Skandas) to arise (spontaneous mental reaction). If Rupa is empty, that is to say it has no lasting form and is in constant change, then the four Arupa responses to Rupa are also in flux, ever changing and therefore also empty.

So to sum it all up - form is empty, emptiness is form. So, nothing lasts, not any of that shit you keep in your house, your cool car, your awesome clothes, that fancy tv, and also, you as a person. Also, you, as a non lasting, empty of long term, ever changing thing also creates these other four things, which absolutely can't exist since you the container doesn't exist.

So, what the hell are you so worried about? Why should we grasp to these things that don't last including ourselves? Why not cut that cord from around our necks? That is the next part, ultimately - that a Bodhisattva, holds only to the understanding of all things being empty, and therefore is free.

Just to prove his point, he goes on and on, pointing out all of the vehicles that form the skandhas, pulling everything, even the teachings of the Baghavat, even the four noble truths out from under poor Shariputra and tells him - this is not real stuff, you just created your attachment using non existent stuff.

So, all of the rest of the sutra, he tells Shariputra that he is basically, full of it, proving it by showing how everything he considers teaching is also not real, or lasting, or created, and therefore can't stop or die.

Look, if you build a world out of Play Doh, it doesn't matter how detailed it is. At the end of the day, its still just Play Doh. The type your little weird neighbor kid will probably try and eat.

Just to give Shariputra something to work on, he provides him with a mantra (a short Dharani). Whats a Dharani you ask? A long mantra - now pay attention to the end and stop asking questions.

"Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!"

That is pronounced Gah-tay, not like the thing at the front of your fence. This means - "away, away, far away, far, far away to the other side, enlightenment, Whoooo! Fricken awsome!"

Bodhi Svaha is like a Buddhist version of "Amen" and means something like "to enligtenment".

So at the end, he says, lets all go together across this sea of shit to the other side to find our way.

In other words, face reality and get over it. What are you waiting for?

Monks gone wild! Summer break 09

The end of the first semester is here! We all passed. Our grade for the first semester: Kwatz!

So now the monks head off down to Daytona Beach to hang out with young hot chicks and party.

...Ok, I just received word that doesn't happen. I wish someone told me that at the start...

Oh well, Monks still know how to let loose during summer break as these pictures show:

This young monk break-dances to the sound of a Bombastic Moktok!


This monk is getting a tattoo in a local Daytona Beach parlor.
It's a heart with the word "Maya".


Shenanigans abound during break time!
First one to fall asleep gets their head shaved!

Ok, so I guess none of that stuff really happens...it would be fun though!

I actually have one last piece of business to complete before I can say I am done with this semester. We are asked to write a paper on the Heart Sutra. I was going to turn in a blank sheet and say - "the Heart Sutra teaches us that none of this stuff exists, including this paper I didn't write, it was not written, it has no way to be written, it has no path out of being written..." , but I think that has been tried before.

I am actually really pleased at the end of this semester. I have learned more in the past few months, in detail, then probably the last decade of surface understanding. Not to say I "get it" all, but do really have a much better grasp on the concepts and history of Buddhism. It was also very challenging at times. There were a number of "a-ha" moments for me during this period due to that challenge. This study starts to slowly unravel all of the bullshit we think is real and forces you to look at what is left. It's not easy...

It has pushed my meditation practice in a much different direction for sure. We all start by counting our breath, in and out, pushing away thoughts. Later on, you start to clear that gourd out faster, so more time can be spent in the uncluttered space. Then you start to ask yourself; "Self, who is doing the counting?" And when your smartypants "Self" can't answer anymore, you are left in a pretty interesting place. Hard to put words to - more like using a word to define itself.

Classes start up again in October, and I understand that the second and third semesters are by far the hardest. The first semester was half history and then the second much harder half was the terminology around the concepts and the general structure of understanding and reality.

I plan to continue to update this in the meantime between sun bathing and ginseng-tea-keggers. I do have other things going on at the temple, and a retreat in late July in Toronto I can comment on. I am really looking forward to the retreat - it is all about Temple protocol, ceremony and chanting / moktok playing, etc. Sounds like we plan to visit another large temple while we are there as well, which will be nice. Also, mah Dharma brothers and sistas will be there - the same ones that come out here when we have retreats. Its great getting everyone together. There is a wide range of experience with them all and its great to be around your bald peeps now and again to keep you on your path.

That's it for now - if you need me - check the beach, I'll be the one with the shaved head wearing a speedo and mala.

I Pity The Foo'

There is a chapter in the Dhamapada titled "The Fool". It goes something like this:

-----
Paraphrased:

"If, as the disciple fares along the way, he meets no companion who is better or equal, let him firmly pursue his solitary career. There is no fellowship with the foolish..."

"Fools of little wit move about with the very self as their own foe, doing evil deeds the fruit of which is bitter..."

"That deed is not well done when, after having done it, one repents, and when weeping, with tearful face, one reaps the fruit thereof..."

"As sweet as honey is an evil deed, so thinks the fool so long as it ripens not; but when it ripens, then he comes to grief..."

"Verily, an evil deed committed does not immediately bear fruit, just as milk curdles not at once; smouldering, it follows the fool like fire covered with ashes..."

"To his ruin, indeed, the fool gains knowledge and fame; they destroy his bright lot and cleave his head..."

"The fool will desire undue reputation, precedence among monks, authority in the monasteries, honour among other families..."

-----

I cut a number of verses out above, really focusing on these specifically. It can be difficult in life to have relationships that become one sided. Or relationships where you try to be helpful, but ultimately can't help. I think generally when I meet people who are having a difficult time in life, I try to help or council them however I can. Its a big reason I started down this path - to be able to outreach to people who I think I could help. Dharma or no Dharma, Buddhism aside, just helping to be an ear for people, maybe a word of advice and direction to help them see a new way. I think I have a unique perspective having had different periods of trouble in life, I am not the wisest person, but maybe have been through some things and lived to tell about it.

One of the hardest things in these situations is to not get pulled too far down the rabbit hole of someone else's issues. We can't live someone else's life for them, only try and guide or support them. Sometimes that becomes an impossible task, and we have to walk in a different direction. As the above verse indicates, don't walk with fools. That is to say help those who want help, those who will take you off course, walk another direction. Sometimes that feels like failure, but its really not. Some weeds have deep roots, and we could actually do more damage trying to pull the weeds straight out. It takes a master gardener, something not many of us are. Many times we also act as enablers, throwing more water on the weeds to make them grow into trees...

Sunim had a good line a few months ago - Buddhism will not cure mental illness. Its not a magic pill or practice that makes those things go away. If anything, I think it can amplify them, make them come out, sometimes in explosive ways. There are many things like this.

As the second line indicates - sometimes people can be their own worst enemies. And as those trying to help, sometimes we don't see the forest for the trees...

Death Grip

Wow, June got here fast. I was on a business trip right after the long weekend, and seemed to be away for weeks, not just the days it really was. It was an interesting trip to say the least...

First interesting thing was the first place I went, a division of ours in Ohio, is run by a man who also happens to be a Zen Priest with the Soto order. I read this in his bio a while ago and have been meaning to talk to him about it. Its not a very normal thing that you just run into these people all the time. Also, the office he runs had a number of people with mala hanging up at their stations. It was like a little Buddhist office. They were all laid back and happy to have me there, no worries on what I was showing them or talking about. It was a good experience with them overall and only took about 30 minutes of real "meeting time". The rest was spent going to lunch and just talking about his cool trip to China.

That afternoon I drove down farther into the state to visit the next location. I was feeling pretty relaxed, had my music up loud, but still almost wanted to just pull over a take a nap.

DAY TWO: I walk into the next division and I'm already tense. This place was the opposite. Very tense, very stressful. People stared at the table while I talked, had no interaction, and I actually thought one was going to lose it in the meeting and start shooting. This place is run by chaos and gripping to 'THINGS THAT ARE NO LONGER". Like the fact that we all are part of the same big company now, not individual islands.

The difference between the two places was so drastic that I really have to consider the sources of these attitudes. Both of these companies were acquired in the past year and a half - the first one was happy to have it, glad to be part of the whole and gets along just fine. The other, needed the transaction, can't let go or adapt to the changes that are taking place and start to do strange things to death grip the past.

Now, I'm not saying that the Buddhist group is better then the other group (probably a bunch of death grippin' Presbyterians). Ok, maybe I am pointing that out. However my main point is that CHANGE IS HARD! We get lazy, we get set on the good things and want to keep them. The funny part is - we more often cling to anything - even, and maybe especially, the bad stuff. We hold on to negative feelings WAY longer then good ones. We keep bad relationships going, and going, but rarely maintain or enjoy our good ones. We death grip our shitty position at our shitty jobs, missing the fact that opportunities abound for those who adapt to the situation and GROW.

Right now I am dealing with the fact that somehow I became 40. Although age doesn't really bother me so much, the changes I see in my face, my body, my attitudes and my pace strike me as odd. I saw my reflection in my iPod at lunch today and noticed how deep the lines around my eyes are getting. I don't recognize me anymore. My body is growing older, and at 40 I'm past my supposed "prime". I'm closer to being "sale" produce then "fresh" produce. Funny part - I'm probably in the best place in life I have been in a very long time - way better then when I was in my prime. I wonder how long I will try to Death Grip this moment?

As I started down this road I expected to learn and discover new ideas, but not as quickly as I feel I have started to, just by getting through this first semester (four weeks to go!). Many of the concepts in Buddhism are so direct and obvious that its surprising you couldn't have just figured this stuff out a long time ago. It strips away all that is not real or true and just shows it to you. Its funny how much we all get lead down roads, believe things that are so fantastic, so unbelievable that for the most part they are actually unbelievable, and not true. Yet people still believe them, still hold on to those ideas. I wonder what people 10,000 years ago would think if they could see our lives now? How far did their beliefs get them? What were they even? They became the same thing all our beliefs will become someday - filling up landfills like our water bottles.

One main teaching the Buddha showed us - nothing is permanent, nothing is unconnected. All things change as they are tied to everything else, which also change. I know it sounds like a Bob Marley song, but really think about that for a bit. The shit we are so freaked out about right now only matters in this very moment. The next is all new. How fucking awesome is that for us? Why do we not get it? We just have to let go and free fall for a bit to feel the wind on our stupid shaved heads.