Chip Monk

Well, its been some time since I last posted here, last semester was difficult as well as just being very busy on other projects and breathing in and out on a daily basis. So I will play a little catch up on a few posts hopefully while I have a some time off.

This was a Dharma Talk that I gave a few weeks ago at the temple. I was also able to run a mini-retreat and a Thursday Service (which I will cover at a different point).

So here is the gist of the Dhama Talk:

True story.

A few years back when we lived in Clarkston and I was working at home, I used to walk down to the mailbox which was located on the road away from the house. We had a large double lot that was covered with many tree (trees produce sticks in abundance). We would collect the sticks through the summer and put them into a pile to later burn, this "burn pit" being located down the yard near the mailbox. So I would walk by this burn pit on my daily walk to the mailbox.

Once day as I was walking by the large pile of kindling to get the mail I heard a rustling in the pile and saw a chipmunk sticking his (or her) head out from the pile. From the dry grass around the entrance, it was obvious this chipmunk had made this pile of kindling its home. And so I thought to myself "What a dumb chipmunk! How can you build your house in a pile of stick that will eventually just be burned down! How stupid can you be!" (or something to that effect).

So I continued to get my pile of mail and turned around to walk back up to the house. As I was able halfway up the hill, I stopped as I looked up and saw my house, and car in the driveway, and the pile of bills in my hand and actually stopped (I really did stop, that is not added for dramatic pause). I saw my pile of kindling in front of me, maybe for the first time. At this point in our lives, my business was failing, we couldn't pay our bills and we were about to have our world burn down around us...and it eventually did.

Stupid chipmunk...

We eventually lost that pile of sticks, ironically before I ever had a chance to burn that little pile of kindling down (that chipmunk is probably still there paying taxes).

And so we moved to a new part of the woods and started to rebuild our little pile of sticks once again. We made better choices, picked up better sticks, built our pile in a safer way, but here again three or four years later, I find myself in the same pile of sticks about to have my world burn down again. Not the same as last time, we have a solid foundation this time, but I can see the fire coming to other areas of what I call my life. So what I really learned in this process is I am where I am again because the one thing that is constant in both these situations is me, stupid chipmunk. I am the one who didn't change, I only changed the pile around me.

So, many people know me, and know my face and name in a number of areas in my life - at the temple, at work, in Iai, my friends, family etc, but they really don't "know me". I as well see people in those same situations and know their names, and may know a little bit about who they are, maybe some back story, but I also don't really "know them" either. But the important part is that I don't really "KNOW ME" and most of them don't really "KNOW THEMSELVES".

There is a great term in Latin: Temet Nosce - know thyself. Not having an idea who you really are is a huge hurdle for most people. Many people may say, "What are you talking about! I know who I am, I know all about me". But you probably don't, and if you do, rarely do people embrace what that means, or know how to live with and develop "who you are".

That is ultimately the work we do on the Buddhist path - trying to remove all those combustible sticks around us and strip it all down to the root, the source, the inner chipmunk.

We are, living in America, under a great deal of false expectations and influences on who we should be and who we should not be. We should all be beautiful, built, smart, rich people. We should care about the lives of stars and what new trend will get us back into the fold of the rich, and beautiful. If you are my age and came of age during the days of the 80's movies, you expect to have a relationship where the hunky Jake Ryan shows up with a birthday cake on your table for your birthday, all family relationships are just one funny experience away from bringing you all back together, the cool guy always gets the right girl in the end. We don't think these things influence us, but they do. We think the world owes us our happy ending, and unfortunately real relationships are extremely difficult and don't work out that way. I know so many people going through a divorce right now, that I have lost track. The national rate is at 50% - that's 1 out of every 2 marriages will end in divorce. We were raised with unrealistic expectations, and the sooner we abandon those expectations, can we get to who we really are.

These expectations we also put on others as well as ourselves. We teach our children about a fantasy world that will only disappoint later. Not every little girl becomes a princess, not every little boy grows up to be an explorer. Nobody reads stories about growing up to work in cube farm surrounded by an apathetic work force. We need to stop putting these expectations on our children, our friends, our spouses, our teachers and our leaders. There is a reason those things are labeled "fantasy".

That doesn't mean stop trying, or stop caring or letting yourself go - it means get back to the moment and get out of your head. Get away from your preconceived notions of how it "should be." Your head is a pile of sticks you build around you. Or as my good friend Tyler Durden says: the things you own eventually own you.

So remember - Temet nosce, stupid chipmunks, temet nosce.

(I didn't have the ability to link this video during the talk, so this is a "web exclusive")

A Rising of Arising Greyness

Well, I have jumped into semester two full force and have not had much time to post here, but will do so now.

This semester has started off directly dealing with cause and effect, causational relationships, karma and the twelve states of arising. We are also starting to dive into the Madhyama Pratipad (middle path). Now, all of this breaking out of each stage of arising, each level of karmic intention and worlds of extremes and not extremes really boils down to: there is no black and white ultimately, there are greys upon greys upon greys.

Now, those art majors out there will understand that layering greys will look black in time, and the same is true with layering non greys. So to is the idea of causational relationships, karmic intention and the influence of a third vehicle on development of all these things (conditions).

I have always been a pretty black and white guy. This is right, that's wrong, this is correct, that is not correct, this is good, this is bad. But I have becoming aware that my life is very grey (albiet layered in many areas to appear black). Also, none of these things that arise and fall in life are permanent, so like black stirred into white paint, there are ever changing layers and tones. So black could be white by tomorrow (like Michael Jackson).



So when we move in a direction, our actions can cause great reactions on the other side, not always how you would expect. Sometimes we do things, even inadvertently and the effect can cause great harm or bad feelings in someone or somethings life. That can cause additional reactions, anger, fear, hurt, etc. This causes that same echo to continue into other aspects and so on. We are all connected completely yet never see the effect until it becomes evident, sometimes at a much later time and way, so its hard to connect the dots back. At the same time, our intentions can cause the opposite response, but that may not always be a positive conclusion either down the line either. All we can go on is the intention at the start. That is actually what the term Karma means (everyone always thinks its the result - something happens to someone and they say "well there is karma for ya", but ultimately Karma was what we put forth, the reaction is something totally different).

Also, I believe there is a misconception that a Buddhist (monk or not) is somehow always happy and sunny and friendly. There are many examples of these flakey, new agey, smiling people in the Buddhist sub-word. Usually they are selling something. But the reality is sometimes you can't be that way, or stay that way, or be effective that way. Sometimes you have to be an asshole to get a point across. Sometimes anger is just a response to something that causes anger. To look at it otherwise is not the Madhyama Pratipad. To say its bad to kill animals for food, yet its ok to kill a million bugs to eat vegetables is a very Black and White viewpoint. The Buddha was not always a shiny happy person as the world at large probably thinks. He adjusted his view to the situation and the person he was encountering. And he too was changing at every point in his life. He was 80 when he died, he was not the same Bhagavat at 80 that he was at 34. Seeing the truth does not make you immortal, a superhero, non-aging being, a god among men. He was a man among men (and women), and animals (and bugs) and everything else. What he put forth into the world, directed at each person and time made sense at that time, with that person. Anyone who thinks they can be the same happy shiny person to everyone about everything will miss most of the time.

I have been floating around the idea of being a monk for years (even back in the 90's with the other group I was involved with). I hesitated all this time because I thought I could never be that guy - that happy person that was always perfect and wise in all things. It didn't seem achievable. Now I know that the point of being a good monk comes from being what and who you are. What I put out is all that I can do, right or wrong, black, white or grey. I can adjust to fit the situation, need to actually most of the time.

EDIT: I was just listening to Cat Stevens / Yusuf Islam while working and heard his remake of this song. Seems very in line with some of what I mean to say here. Should have known, it always pays off listening to the Cat...


Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
People, do you understand me now,
If sometimes I feel a little mad
Don't you know no one alive can
always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem a little sad
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

You know sometimes, I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
Sometimes seems that all I have is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems and I get more
than my share
But that's one thing I never mean to do
I don't mean it

People, don't you know I'm only human
Don't you know I have faults like any one
But sometimes I find myself alone regretting
Some little thing; some foolish thing
that I have done,
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Don't let me be misunderstood
I'm just someone whose intentions are good
Don't let me be misunderstood,
Don't let me be misunderstood

The Birth of King Boogie

The Resting Place of the Ashes, formerly know as Boogie
(hint - they are under the Buddha)

So this past Sunday was the 49 day memorial of Casey passing. I held a little ceremony here for him on his last day (chanting various things), and then later we put the can into the ground and lit some incense around the statue.

Its actually a pretty interesting way to look at death, and this may be the first time I got it. Buddhists believe that after a living thing's body dies, the consciousness (not soul - there is no soul) starts to move into an inbetween phase. This is more like the ghost image on your tv after you shut it off - the lingering consciousness of that sattva. It starts to go through stages of moving back into the source of all things, and at the same time is traveling towards a new destination. Buddhists believe these stages last 49 days. After that time is past, the consciousness that we would say was the "lingering essence" of that sattva takes a new form and starts the cycle again. So, as of Monday - Boogie is back. Maybe he is a puppy again, or a little boy or girl, maybe he is a lion or a woodchuck. Buddhists also believe that the cycle of becoming a higher form of life has a lot to do with your previous existence - we call this Karma - what you put in motion. Once the passing occurs - the direction can take you to a better situation. One way we try to help a "Bardo" or one who is in the state of passing is to help direct them. This is one role of a monk for those who have passed - to act as a spiritual guide through that period. Through ceremony, chanting, and other ways, we help to guide the "Bardo" to a better existence, where they can be a help to themselves and others.

Its also a common belief that only a human thing can reach past the cycle of birth and death, by knowing what to do, leading the right path breaks that cycle. I am not sure if I believe that to be true, so maybe Casey was already calling this existence in, knowing he was going to pass out of the cycle. That would be nice, but I hope in someway he had a nice birthday Monday. The world could use sattvas like Boog.

It does say a lot about the people around us, the cycle of life and death and life. Now that I know he is somewhere, I feel less sad about his not being here. I can laugh when I think of him as a little boy right now. Actually my friend had a little boy a day or so ago - maybe that is Boog's consciousness starting over.

Classes start again tomorrow - here comes semester 2...

Update

So, I have not updated in a while, after the post about Casey, I haven't been ready to jump back into the blog much. However, I feel I need to get the information out from the retreat the previous week, so I will start the 37 part series on how my head nearly exploded.

First off, I had a great conversation with my teacher on the ride out. Three and half hours is a good amount of time to kill in a small car. We talked about all types of stuff, and I think got to know each other much better, more like two guys chatting for the most part. I think the most relevant part to bring up is that on the way we discussed my direction in all this and I had a chance to ask a number of questions. The outcome is that I decided to go for full ordination as a Bikkhu, instead of a Dharma Teacher. Its the difference of becoming an actual monk, instead of a teacher of the Dharma (only). This is really just on paper, Dharma teachers and Monks both try and do the same thing, but being a Bikkhu, you are able to lead a sangha, have students, etc...

So, that was a big step. Also, when asked that very night by our head teacher what my direction was, and when I answered such, I had a good support of the people there. There seemed to be a positive reaction to that decision. My teacher said "see, I'm not the only one who thinks you were born to this". That was actually an interesting moment for me, since all along I have been silently questioning this direction for me. I have always been drawn here, but not sure why. So, I intend to explore that a bit. Also, our head teacher took a little pressure off and said he would like me to hold off ordination for two years (2011) and wait until my teacher takes his next step (in 2010). He would like me to be his first disciple and be the first American ordained monk (meaning ordained in America instead of Korea, which I believe is his idea of the future). So that was a lot to take in. That was that first night.

The next day we got up at 5:30 and started the retreat, which I will not go into great detail on, only to say it was a ton of info. There is not that much info passed on in most groups, you may get ordained and then you are on your own, with maybe a book to follow. Our teacher is much more old school, and is teaching us these things like we were back 40 years ago in the monastery. We were taugh how to use a bell (Yoyong), a mottok, a hammered bowl, numerous chants, and the Korea Monk version of the Tea Ceremony (which I am excited to jump into a bit). There is a lot of etiquette to running an ceremony, which was laid out. We also will next time be taught some secret funeral rites and mudra.

That was all the stuff that made my head almost explode. I am glad I have time to absorb this stuff, it is overwhelming to take in just in two days. Not being able to speak Korean, Pali or read Sanskrit has made all this much more challenging.

Also, an important part, was that our teacher told us to accept our position as Monks, that is who we are, and we shouldn't hide that fact. That part is still working its way into my head. I am slowly starting to jump into that fact. It's not like I wear my robes to work everyday like he did when he worked, but the idea is still there. I need to start to grasp that fact on a daily basis.

I am gearing up for the second semester that starts in October.

Slowly, but surely the feeling takes root, of what I am and what I am trying to be.

The Death of King Boogie

Earlier this week, Monday to be exact, I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to drive our dog Casey over to the vet to have him put down. He was old, and not doing very well over all, we started to see the end was near. He was uncomfortable, had a hard time walking, was eating sporadically. He would poop in his sleep, and he did sleep, a lot, almost the entire day. So, we felt the time was now. Before he couldn't walk, before he was in much more pain, before he lost his mind which can all happen so fast when dogs get this old. I can only wish someone does the same for me some day. To die with dignity, potentially even at a time of our control.

It was hard to make the appointment, hard to know the time was numbered. I spent time sitting with him when he was awake, which was not often.

Taking him in that day was the longest ride of my life, getting through the procedure was both sad, and at the same time a relief. He went peacefully, laying in my arms.

Casey was a unique dog, although I may be biased. He was always a sweet boy, everyone loved him and he lived a long charmed life. He dodged a lot of bullets as well - a tumor removed when he was eight - the vet told us she had never seen it not be cancer. But it wasn't. Then he developed heart disease and a murmur, but that didn't stop him. About a year ago he developed an aggressive form of cancer on his gums, which was removed and didn't come back. He started to have congestive heart failure a few months ago, but some meds slowed that down. All these times, we thought we would lose him, but never did. Once the time came to let him go, I had no regrets, it was absolutely the kindest thing I could do for him.

But still, it is upsetting and sad, and of course I missed him everyday I came home this week. Even though he stopped greeting us at the door a long time ago, knowing he was present was enough.

There is a huge misconception in Buddhism, that we are somehow without emotion, or shouldn't react to things with emotion, but that is realy not true. While in this body, tied and driven by so many emotions, mental reactions, attachments, clinging to what is, we too suffer and feel pain and sadness. We may deal with it differently, but it is and will always be there, until we too are no longer mortal.

To honor his passing, I have been chanting the Bardo prayer for him daily. Usually also the heart sutra. I light some incense and a candle. I hope he passes from this existance to the next, maybe in a better situation (although he had it made with us for 14 years - I will hope when I die to come back as one of our dogs).

There is a great part in the Salla Sutta (part of the Sutta Nipata) which is a reflection on death. It says: "When he sees that someone has passed away and lived out their life, he says 'He will not be seen by me again'.

We will collect his ashes, and find an appropriate place to spread them, or bury them. We will remember what a great dog he was, how much we loved him. He will not be seen by us again.

Rest in Peace Boog Boog - see you soon.

The Heart of the Matter

So I finished my paper on the Heart Sutra (Maha Prajnaparamita Hrdaya Sutra for you Buddologists out there). I should also say, I am way behind on posting and also need to do a 37 part exposé on the weekend retreat that I shall entitle "how my head nearly, literally exploded", but, I digress, so here is the Heart Sutra, once and for all, for everyone out there, laid out bare, no more walking around the facts: "You don't exist the way you think you do, so get over your bad self".

Ok, not nearly as poetic as say...anyone, I guess, but bear with me.

For those not familiar with the Heart Sutra, know it is part of a much larger work in the Mahayana school, which really came about 600 years after the Baghavat was alive. So, not actual words of the Baghavat, but more so the words of people trying to wake others up much later on. Much of the Mahayana school, which Zen (Son / Chan) is a part of, takes exception to the original concept of "save yourself". They were much more concerned with "save your self, by helping others along the way (Bodhisattvas)".

The Heart Sutra is a very important text to the Zenophiles out there, because it really contains a huge amount of the basic concepts of zen and Buddhism as a whole in very few lines.

Just to get everyone on board - here is a copy:

The Maha (Great) Prajnaparamita (Wisdom) Hrdaya (Heart) Sutra:

The Bodhisattva of Great Compassion
From the deep practice of Prajnaparamita
perceived the emptiness of all five skandas
and delivered all beings from their suffering

O, Shariputra, form is no other then emptiness, emptiness no other then form, form is emptiness, emptiness form. The same is true of feeling, thought, impulse and consciousness.

O, Shariputra, all dharmas are empty.
They are not born, nor annihilated. They are not defiled nor immaculate. They do not increase, nor decrease. So, in emptiness, no form, no feeling, no thought, no impulse, no consciousness.
No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind; no form, sound, smell, taste, touch, or objects of mind, no realm of sight, no realm of consciousness.

No ignorance, nor extinction of ignorance, no old age and death, nor extinction of them.
No suffering, no cause of suffering, no cease from suffering, no path to lead out of suffering, no knowledge, no attainment, no realization, for there is nothing to attain.

The Bodhisattva holds on to nothing but Pranjaparamita, therefore the mind is clear of any delusive hindrance. Without hindrance, there is no fear, away from all perverted views, one reaches final Nirvana.

All Buddhas of past, present and future, through faith in Prajnaparamita attain to the highest perfect enlightenment.

Know then, the Prajnaparamita is the great dharani, the radiant peerless mantrum, the utmost supreme mantrum, which is capable of allaying all pain. This is true beyond all doubt.

Proclaim now the highest wisdom, the Prajnaparamita.
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!


Ok - so what the hell does this all mean?

This is describing a conversation between the Bodhisattva of compassion (Avalokitesvara / Jijian Bosal / Kwannon / Quan Yin)(This is by the way, is who the Dalai Lama is supposed to be a reincarnation of) who is the one practicing prajnaparamita (great wisdom practice) talking to Shariputra, a main disciple to the Baghavat himself. Whew...ok, lets continue.

Avalokitesvara suddenly gets it - all of the five skandas don't really exist the way we think they do. The skandas are: Form or matter (Rupa), Feeling (Vedana), Thinking (Samjna), Mental formation (Samskara), and discernment or memory (Vijnana). Rupa, form or matter, causes the other four (Arupa Skandas) to arise (spontaneous mental reaction). If Rupa is empty, that is to say it has no lasting form and is in constant change, then the four Arupa responses to Rupa are also in flux, ever changing and therefore also empty.

So to sum it all up - form is empty, emptiness is form. So, nothing lasts, not any of that shit you keep in your house, your cool car, your awesome clothes, that fancy tv, and also, you as a person. Also, you, as a non lasting, empty of long term, ever changing thing also creates these other four things, which absolutely can't exist since you the container doesn't exist.

So, what the hell are you so worried about? Why should we grasp to these things that don't last including ourselves? Why not cut that cord from around our necks? That is the next part, ultimately - that a Bodhisattva, holds only to the understanding of all things being empty, and therefore is free.

Just to prove his point, he goes on and on, pointing out all of the vehicles that form the skandhas, pulling everything, even the teachings of the Baghavat, even the four noble truths out from under poor Shariputra and tells him - this is not real stuff, you just created your attachment using non existent stuff.

So, all of the rest of the sutra, he tells Shariputra that he is basically, full of it, proving it by showing how everything he considers teaching is also not real, or lasting, or created, and therefore can't stop or die.

Look, if you build a world out of Play Doh, it doesn't matter how detailed it is. At the end of the day, its still just Play Doh. The type your little weird neighbor kid will probably try and eat.

Just to give Shariputra something to work on, he provides him with a mantra (a short Dharani). Whats a Dharani you ask? A long mantra - now pay attention to the end and stop asking questions.

"Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!"

That is pronounced Gah-tay, not like the thing at the front of your fence. This means - "away, away, far away, far, far away to the other side, enlightenment, Whoooo! Fricken awsome!"

Bodhi Svaha is like a Buddhist version of "Amen" and means something like "to enligtenment".

So at the end, he says, lets all go together across this sea of shit to the other side to find our way.

In other words, face reality and get over it. What are you waiting for?

Monks gone wild! Summer break 09

The end of the first semester is here! We all passed. Our grade for the first semester: Kwatz!

So now the monks head off down to Daytona Beach to hang out with young hot chicks and party.

...Ok, I just received word that doesn't happen. I wish someone told me that at the start...

Oh well, Monks still know how to let loose during summer break as these pictures show:

This young monk break-dances to the sound of a Bombastic Moktok!


This monk is getting a tattoo in a local Daytona Beach parlor.
It's a heart with the word "Maya".


Shenanigans abound during break time!
First one to fall asleep gets their head shaved!

Ok, so I guess none of that stuff really happens...it would be fun though!

I actually have one last piece of business to complete before I can say I am done with this semester. We are asked to write a paper on the Heart Sutra. I was going to turn in a blank sheet and say - "the Heart Sutra teaches us that none of this stuff exists, including this paper I didn't write, it was not written, it has no way to be written, it has no path out of being written..." , but I think that has been tried before.

I am actually really pleased at the end of this semester. I have learned more in the past few months, in detail, then probably the last decade of surface understanding. Not to say I "get it" all, but do really have a much better grasp on the concepts and history of Buddhism. It was also very challenging at times. There were a number of "a-ha" moments for me during this period due to that challenge. This study starts to slowly unravel all of the bullshit we think is real and forces you to look at what is left. It's not easy...

It has pushed my meditation practice in a much different direction for sure. We all start by counting our breath, in and out, pushing away thoughts. Later on, you start to clear that gourd out faster, so more time can be spent in the uncluttered space. Then you start to ask yourself; "Self, who is doing the counting?" And when your smartypants "Self" can't answer anymore, you are left in a pretty interesting place. Hard to put words to - more like using a word to define itself.

Classes start up again in October, and I understand that the second and third semesters are by far the hardest. The first semester was half history and then the second much harder half was the terminology around the concepts and the general structure of understanding and reality.

I plan to continue to update this in the meantime between sun bathing and ginseng-tea-keggers. I do have other things going on at the temple, and a retreat in late July in Toronto I can comment on. I am really looking forward to the retreat - it is all about Temple protocol, ceremony and chanting / moktok playing, etc. Sounds like we plan to visit another large temple while we are there as well, which will be nice. Also, mah Dharma brothers and sistas will be there - the same ones that come out here when we have retreats. Its great getting everyone together. There is a wide range of experience with them all and its great to be around your bald peeps now and again to keep you on your path.

That's it for now - if you need me - check the beach, I'll be the one with the shaved head wearing a speedo and mala.